Below are some explanations regarding the terminology and process of grief as well as amazing books and videos to help support and guide you. Please note that these are to help provide understanding and by no means can fully comprehend, express, and justify a personal experience with grief and loss. I hope this helps in some way.
Grief
- A series of intense physical and psychological responses that occur following a loss. A normal, adaptive response to a loss
Bereavement
- Bereavement is the period of grief following the death of a loved one
Mourning
- Mourning is the period of time during which grief is expressed, and possibly the resolution and integration of loss occur
Four stages of mourning
- Numbness
- Yearning and searching
- Disorganization and despair
- Reorganization
Stages of Grief
- Denial and Shock
- Anger and Guilt
- Bargaining
- Sadness
- Acceptance
Different Types of Grief:
Acute Grief is somatic distress in episodes lasting 20 minutes to an hour, including sensations of tightness in the throat, choking, shortness of breath, sighing, emptiness in the abdomen, lack of muscle strength, and intense emotional distress.
- Preoccupation with the image of the deceased
- Guilt
- Hostile reactions
- Loss of patterns of normal conduct with regard to daily activity
Traumatic bereavement is the state of having suffered the loss of a loved one when grief and mourning over the death is complicated or overpowered by the traumatic stress brought about by its circumstances.
Complicated grief (CG) is the condition that occurs when the instinctive adaptive response to bereavement becomes stalled.
- Persistent and invasive thoughts of your loss disrupt daily activities.
- Avoiding or feeling consumed by reminders/memories of your loved one.
- Unable to accept the finality of the death. Intense yearning for your lost loved one.
- Feeling angry about the death
- Feeling numb or confused, developing a loss of trust in others
- Isolating from others
- Suffering physical symptoms similar to that experienced in the deceased’s final illness
- Feeling that life is meaningless and hopeless without your loved one
Disenfranchised Grief is grief due to a loss that is not or cannot be openly acknowledged, publicly mourned, or socially supported
- The relationship is not socially recognized
- The loss is not socially recognized or is hidden from others
- The griever is not socially recognized
- The ways individuals grieve
- Non-finite loss
- Chronic sorrow
- Ambiguous loss
- Intangible and tangible losses
Persistent complex bereavement disorder is characterized by severe and persistent grief and mourning reactions that impair social, occupational, and other essential areas of one's life.
- Persistent yearning/longing for the deceased. In young children, yearning may be expressed in play and behavior, including behaviors that reflect being separated from, and also reuniting with, a caregiver or other attachment figure.
- Intense sorrow and emotional pain in response to the death.
- Preoccupation with the deceased.
- Preoccupation with the circumstances of the death.
- Marked difficulty accepting the death. In children, this is dependent on the child’s capacity to comprehend the meaning and permanence of death.
- Experiencing disbelief or emotional numbness over the loss.
- Difficulty with positive reminiscing about the deceased.
- Bitterness or anger related to the loss.
- Maladaptive appraisals about oneself in relation to the deceased or the death (e.g., self-blame).
- Excessive avoidance of reminders of the loss (e.g., avoidance of individuals, places, or situations associated with the deceased; in children, this may include avoidance of thoughts and feelings regarding the deceased). 59 Social/identity disruption
- A desire to die in order to be with the deceased.
- Difficulty trusting other individuals since the death.
- Feeling alone or detached from other individuals since the death.
- Feeling that life is meaningless or empty without the deceased, or the belief that one cannot function without the deceased.
- Confusion about one’s role in life, or a diminished sense of one’s identity (e.g., feeling that a part of oneself died with the deceased).
- Difficulty or reluctance to pursue interests since the loss or to plan for the future (e.g., friendships, activities).
- The disturbance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
- The bereavement reaction is out of proportion to or inconsistent with cultural, religious, or age-appropriate norms
Reading and Video support
Healthy Grief
Whether a Griever or Support, this transformative guide offers you a unique path through the complexities of loss. Beyond death, grief encompasses everyday life losses including relationships, health, and hardships when what once was, is no longer. In a culture abundant with resources for how to win, acquire, and be happy, yet void of how to lose, let go, and grieve, Healthy Grief is a solution. Serving as a lifelong companion, this book explores avoiding critical life-threatening mistakes in grieving, addressing the negative impact of toxic positivity, and unlocking a personalized healing path through the 5-stage Healthy GRIEF Framework. This practical tool offers hope with 30 grief survival case studies and inspiration with free downloads. Embark on the path to healing and thrive in the midst of grief.
Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment
Written with warm compassion and profound wisdom, Tears to Triumph offers us a powerful way forward through the pain, to a deeper awareness of our feelings, our lives, and our true selves.
Being Mortal
Being Mortal Illness, Medicine and What Matters in the End
The Shadow Daughter
Shadow Daughter tackles a subject we rarely discuss as a culture: Family estrangements, especially those between parents and adult children. Estrangements - between parents and children, siblings, multiple generations - are surprisingly common, and even families that aren't officially estranged often have some experience of deep conflicts. Estrangement is an issue that touches most people, one way or another, one that's still shrouded in secrecy, stigma, and shame. In addition to her personal narrative.
The Year of Magical Thinking
This powerful book is Didion’s attempt to make sense of the “weeks and then months that cut loose any fixed idea I ever had about death, about illness ... about marriage and children and memory ... about the shallowness of sanity, about life itself.
The Tunnel and the Light: Essential Insights on Living and Dying
Dr. Kubler-Ross conveys her understanding of the wisdom of the dying and encourages those in the midst of life to attend to what she calls their "unfinished business," so that they may be wiser as they face the end of life. The Tunnel and the Light conclude with "A Letter to a Child with Cancer," a poignant illustrated letter written to a young boy, Dougy.
Videos that correlate with the heart's search to find healing -
Suzanne Grace dances "Letting Yourself Be Loved"
Suzanne performed this dance at the Healing Journeys conference in Seattle, WA in 2006. This meditative and eloquent dance is choreographed to the first cut from the "Graceful Passages" CD with words from Lew Epstein and music by award-winning composer Gary Malkin and Michael Stillwater. It invites us to ponder the eternal questions of living, dying, and the continuity of spirit. More information at http://www.healingjourneys.org
Option B
After the life-shattering loss, Sheryl Sandberg reaches out to others in grief. As one of the best-known female executives in the world, Sheryl Sandberg had resources and support when her husband died at 47, but that didn't stop grief from engulfing her and their children. In her new book "Option B," Sandberg writes about grief and resilience in the face of adversity and offers advice for others experiencing personal tragedy. Sandberg sits down with Judy Woodruff.
Empathy: The Human Connection to Patient Care
Patient care is more than just healing -- it's building a connection that encompasses mind, body, and soul. If you could stand in someone else's shoes . . . hear what they hear. See what they see. Feel what they feel. Would you treat them differently?
What Forty Steps Taught Me About Love and Grief - Tembi Locke
"When I took the stage last spring to share insights on love, caregiving, and loss, my deepest desire was to stand in the truth of what I know. I hoped to communicate the universal need for unconditional love and connection in our daily lives. It was brave, bold, and lovingly terrifying. But I know that when each of us shares the authenticity of our individual truths, we reflect all of humanity. So here’s my corner of humanity and the forty steps that got me there". - Tembi Locke
Additional Resources -
Postpartum Support International
The Compassionate Friends
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/contact/
Mission of TAPS
Ready Nest Counseling
https://www.readynestcounseling.com/
Center for Life and Loss Transition
https://www.centerforloss.com/
Grief River
Death Cafe
The Dougy Center, The National Center for Grieving Children & Families is a nonprofit organization based in Portland, Oregon that offers support groups and services to grieving children and young adults.
OptionB
At some point, we all live an Option B
Grief and hardship are part of life—and no one should have to go through them alone. We’re here to help you take care of yourself and support your loved ones through life’s most challenging moments.